If you build it, they will come

Sorry about that. Someone had to, so it might as well have been me, right?

They built a new Wal*Mart north of here and at the opening this weekend, they arrested some guy for masturbating in his truck in the store's lot.

The man also had some pot and some hydrocodone pills – although he could have gotten the same effect by drinking the tap water, it turns out.

In other new Wal*Mart news, a woman was arrested for stealing $1,000 worth of merchandise. Police charged her with trespassing, because she had previously been ordered never to enter another Wal*Mart store.